Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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