don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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