I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
