if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Randomize
