Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
