Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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