i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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