Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
