I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
