My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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