I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
is wine microwaveable?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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