I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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