She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
