Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
