he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Drake has all the answers
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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