Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you traded sex for a burrito?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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