you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
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