Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
