Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
