So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
