some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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