Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
