You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Green mimosas i think yes
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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