Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Houston, we have a blender
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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