um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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