the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
