you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
