so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
