Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
