Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
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We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
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He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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