Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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