So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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