i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
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my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
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PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.