but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
