babies were throwing up all over the place
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
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wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
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I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT