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Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Randomize
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