shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
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