you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
