so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
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