I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
