the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
