Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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