I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
