I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
