I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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