you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
