I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
