So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
