just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Still dying that you shit outside
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
