In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
