I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
