is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
