If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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