I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
he thought i was a dude.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
