yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
