"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
