Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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