hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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