just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
