Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
