The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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