I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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