i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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