I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
