There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
