bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
