speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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