I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
my sisters under your porch take her home
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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