I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
