i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
