So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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