That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
