Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
