FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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