I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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