i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
that may or may not have been my penis.
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