I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
