we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
