just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
