This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
