i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
