Screwed.edu
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
