i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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