i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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