yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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