I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize