We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Enjoy the penises
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
