I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
