Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
This is my gift to your gina
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
