I'm laying in your front yard are you home
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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