I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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