you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
