i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
